How to Explain to Your Non-Muslim Family Why You Wear Eyeliner as a Man

Let’s be honest: most people don’t expect to see a Muslim man—beard, thobe, prayer beads in hand—rocking eyeliner.

But then you walk into the family gathering, and your cousin whispers,
"Is that… eyeliner? For real?"
Your uncle raises an eyebrow. Your aunt asks if it’s part of a costume.
And suddenly you're the conversation piece—again.

So how do you explain it without getting defensive? How do you make it clear that this isn’t about fashion, ego, or some "phase"?
Here’s one way to break it down.

1. Start With Calm Confidence

Before you say anything, remember this:
You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re honoring a prophetic tradition. You’re caring for your body in a way rooted in centuries of sacred practice.

So instead of reacting, respond.

Smile. Hold your ground. If someone asks why you wear eyeliner, just say:

“It’s called kohl. It’s something the Prophet Muhammad used to wear. It’s part of our tradition.”

You’re not explaining yourself out of guilt—you’re inviting them to understand something beautiful.

2. Give Them the History (Without the Lecture)

Most people associate eyeliner with makeup, glamor, or femininity. But kohl—especially ithmid—has a deep and masculine history in Islamic culture.

You can say something like:

“In Islamic tradition, men and women both used kohl. The kind I use is called ithmid—it’s a natural mineral that was actually recommended by the Prophet. It helps with eye health and was used for both medical and spiritual reasons.”

Bonus points if you mention that other cultures—like Ancient Egyptians, Berbers, and even Roman soldiers—used similar eye treatments. It’s not a trend. It’s older than most of us realize.

3. Reframe the Idea of Grooming for Men

Here’s where you can gently shift their mindset:

“Taking care of how I look isn’t about vanity. It’s part of how I honor my body and my faith. Just like how people shave, wear deodorant, or brush their hair—I apply kohl, oil my beard, and use natural scents. It’s all part of staying clean and grounded.”

Most non-Muslim family members haven’t heard that Islam emphasizes grooming as part of spirituality. This is a moment to teach that without preaching.

4. Make It Relatable

When things feel foreign, people tend to judge. So bring it back to something familiar.

“You know how some folks take pride in using natural products, essential oils, or heritage practices passed down from their grandparents? This is kind of like that. Except for me, it’s not just culture—it’s also Sunnah.”

This helps people see it not as something strange, but something personal and meaningful.

5. Be Ready for Jokes—But Keep It Playful

Let’s be real: someone in the family might crack a joke.

“You tryna join a rock band?”
“I see you out here with that Johnny Depp look.”

You can either meet the joke with silence or with light humor.

“If the Prophet was here today, he'd probably have people asking him the same thing.”

Or:

“Yeah, the Sunnah stay ahead of trends.”

Keep the tone light, but the purpose steady. They can laugh, but you’re still standing firm in who you are.

6. Don’t Force It—Just Live It

The best explanation isn’t always verbal. It’s how you carry yourself over time.

If you show up clean, consistent, calm, and confident—they’ll start to associate your grooming with discipline and dignity, not weirdness.

Eventually, they’ll stop asking. Some might even start admiring it.

Final Words

Not everything needs to turn into a debate. Sometimes all you have to say is:

“This is a part of my deen. It keeps me rooted. It connects me to my Prophet. It makes me feel like myself.”

And if they don’t get it now, they might later.

Or they might not.

But at the end of the day, you’re not here to seek approval.

You’re here to walk with purpose.

And if a little eyeliner under your eyes reminds you of that purpose every time you look in the mirror—then that’s reason enough.